Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Crying Tears...

Hello everyone... You know me, I normally like to post about the happy, fun, up-beat kind of thing.... And with today as my birthday, (not that I like getting a year older), but it IS my birthday, and that usually means that I don't have to cook, but rather go out for a meal with the family or friends.... A fun, good thing, right? But today, I just don't feel up-beat and happy. I am feeling rather sad and down... and it's so funny with my prior post being on JOY....

I intended to post about the projects I've been working on, but I just don't feel like it. Maybe later, maybe tomorrow. I just want to type some words out to spill out my sadness for my ill grandmother. My dad's mother, whom I have adored and learned so much from is very ill and we don't expect that she'll weather the storm.... She is the last grandmother for Bryan or myself. It's so hard to see through the tears... She is the last big part of my childhood back home in Colorado, and the little girl inside (and apparently out) cries out and doesn't want to let go. I know this is how life is, and life after death, for me, is a beautiful thing- she will live lively and gloriously with the Lord, our God. And I will see her again. But there's more to letting go of her, like I said, it's letting go of some physical and emotional part of my childhood. I don't know if it's harder because my mother is gone, as well, but it just really hard.
Tears have flooded the keyboard, now.... so I will just ask for prayer from you, and hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day...

9 comments:

Linda said...

Shannon...saying a prayer for you now. And it is good to write about it...and maybe you can make an art piece about your grandmother. I know for a fact that it will help. hugs to you

Tina said...

Big hug to you Shannon at this time..I know how you feel..it's tough and with God's help you will make it thru this too. Prayers to lift you up from here..hugs,tina

Carol said...

Oh please don't forget that you WILL see her again!! And even after she's gone, you'll feel her close! You'll have a hard time at first, trudging through life without her, but slowly and surely, the robins will come back, the flowers will bloom and the colors will be bright. Just trust.

cindy said...

Oh Honey, sending hugs and prayer your way! I'm so sorry you are going through this, never a fun thing. But it will get better. And then you will remember the happy times with your Gram and you will smile again. Keepin you in my thoughts.

c

The Engelhardt 4 said...

Hey, I love you and miss you terribly. I hope you got all my birthday wishes. I will be praying for you sweet friend. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Elizabeth

Nathalie Thompson said...

I haven't visited in a loooooong time and find you weeping. I am so sorry you are feeling all of this pain. I can only assume that at this date either your grandmother has gone to be with God or she is still fighting to stay. My thoughts and prayers are with you. How precious your memories are. Your grandmother will always be a treasure in your heart, to carry with you.

Charlene said...

Oh sweet Shannon, I sit here with tears filling my eyes too. I can so feel your pain my friend. I AM SO SORRY! I lost my beloved Grandmother over 20 years ago & still the pain is there. The only comfort is that to have the type of pain of loss for one so dear... THEY WERE INDEED DEAR! SOMEONE SO SPECIAL TO OUR HEART & OUR SOUL THAT MISSING THEM CAUSES MENTAL,PHYSICAL, & EMOTIONAL PAIN! But, we were the blessed child to have them in our life. Imagine not having them! We must count our blessing, feel our pain becuase it is our LOVE for someone so dear. I know that right now this doesn't seem like it helps. Know that she will always be there looking out for you from HEAVEN above & that you are her precious lamb. Now you will have God to watch over you & a special angel all your own. Bless you & I hope you will find some peace in your heart. You & she have been loved well. God Bless you & keep you in your time of sorrow.

Peach said...

Hugs to you Shannon!

mendytexas said...

You are in my thoughts...I know how hard this is.I wanted to stop by and say hello from this end of Texas.